Friday, February 04, 2005

Shrinking Ephram


My younger cousin, Ephram. He's a crazy monger. We have tried everything in the books, mainly encyclopedias, to get him to shrink. You should have seen what we did when we hit the X volume. We shot him with xrays. We even dropped a xylophone on him. All that accomplished was a horrific noise, and some flying myllets. Eprham escaped unscathed and quite bothered. He had dreams of band instruments being strewn at him. Tubas, obos, xylophonics, pylocronics, and cymbals. The next day, we hit the Y volume. We tied some string around his torso, wound him up, and dropped him off of the tallest builing in the universe, my house. Its quite tall...987 floors to be perfectly exact. About 986 floors, as an estimate. Needless to say, the yo yo experiment didn't accomplish much either, with exception of only winning the Duncan YYWC (Yo Yo World Championship). It was quite a feat to cradle the baby and walk the dog, but it was done, I assure you. Ephram threw up for 17 days straight after that little event. Totally worth it, though. For the trophy, I mean. Not because we achieved our ultimate goal of making him shrink. On the 18th day, following the best day of my life, we plundered into the Z volume of the Brittanicas. Eprham ran and hid in the rabbit cage, afraid of another xylophone incident. We assured him, xylophone doesn't start with a z. Did I mention he has brain damage? Probably from the L volume when we hit him with a library. I surely thought that one would do the trick. But, alas, here we were at z, with a zylophone hidden behind our backs, trying to coax him out of the cage. One day, my friend, we will achieve our goal of shrinking Ephram. Then what will we do with our time? Probably throw the books at him.

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