Tuesday, February 22, 2005

A Good Super Hero, Please


The fact is, my friend, you just can't find a good super hero anymore. Or even a regular hero, for that matter. You know, one of those big sandwiches with multiple layers of meat, cheese, and assorted condiments? One super style has a toothpick and a pickle on top, of course. All over this city you can find a gyro, which is pronounced close to hero, except with j sound, like jhero. That's close, but anything with one layer of meat can never be considered a true hero. Much less, anything without a toothpick or a pickle on top. Some people go with olives. That's just blasphemy. As a matter of fact, I usually refer to any sandwich that someone puts in front of me with an olive on top as an "arch enemy". Not so much because I don't like them, but because I have battled, with all my might and pickles, against them for years. They've been trying to take over the planet, you know. But I can't let them. The worst kind of "arch enemy" has kryptonite in it. Not because it is my weakness, but because it tastes like paint. It makes the sandwich taste terrible. Not to mention the olives, which are my weakness. I was pelted with olives once, that's why I wear goggles from here on out. I caught an olive with my eye, thus not being able to see for a week. I couldn't even swim straight. I also like to go swimming at the drop of a hat, so there's that reason too. That's what started this whole ordeal. I've been swimmming and I'm hungry. Could someone please make me a good super hero, please? With extra olives on top, too. I shlove sholives.

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