Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Smuggles the Turkey


Do you know the story of the first Thanksgiving turkey? His name was Smuggles. Not so much because he was smug, but because he hid illegal substances in his body. Although, he did become as smug, as luck would have it. It fits his namely nicely. He, oddly enough, was smuggled over on the Mayflower. Therefore, Smuggles was smuggling while he was smuggling, but he was not smug about the smuggling (his person being smuggled, not the illegal substance smuggling), because it enabled him to smuggle all the easier. Now, I know at this point in the story you're wondering, how does Smuggles smuggle? He's got no damn hands, man. I wish you'd shutup. This is my story, ok? You're always so quick to judge. Stop laughing. I'm not a liar. This really did happen. If you'll just listen, you'll agree. Anyway, before you interrupted me, I was saying that Smuggle was on the ship, right? Well, as you can imagine, a long ship ride brings about voracious hunger. Smuggle took it upon himself to eat everything that he could get his hands, err wings on, as it were. Food kept dissapearing, drinks were found laying around the ship empty, and all the crew's rations ran out too early. Nobody could figure out why. Meanwhile, Smuggles had grown quite large. He was nearly up to 200 pounds, you know, which is quite large for a turkey, you know. You know? All the crew became suspicious of Smuggle's enormous size. A mutiny, if you will, developed against Smuggle. A pirate yelled out, "Yearrrgh!" And the seige of Smuggles was on. They bound Smuggles up and said, "Listen here. You gobbled up all of our food! You stuffed yourself on our rations. And now we're forced to eat you!" So they did. And thus became the tradition of having a stuffed gobbler for Thanksgiving. And thus was the end of Smuggles, the smug smuggling turkey.

Now, you can't say that you don't agree with that, can you? You'd be smug too. Now go and enjoy your turkey, and think of Smuggles, the turkey who was smuggling smuggled smuggles while his person was smuggled and smuggled.
THE SMUGGLE END.

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